Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
