It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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