I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
