What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
