: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
