I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
