remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize