I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
