ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Please, let me fuck your mom
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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