just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
