Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
