New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
