I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
