I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
