remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
