I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
