my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
