We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
