I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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