remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just blew my weed a kiss
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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