Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
