I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
worst night to have a conscience
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
