I'm so fucking centered right now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
