you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
