All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
