My friends, they love my intelligence
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
