Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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