Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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