Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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