I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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