I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
