He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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