Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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