you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
