know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize