What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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