he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Randomize
