I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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