just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
