ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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