I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
