So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
