Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
