Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
