Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
