yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
