i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
