what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it because I queefed?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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