Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
