my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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