You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
