you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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