cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
