EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My vagina is officially offended.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
