This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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