just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
