dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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