Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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