Can Purell be used as lube?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
