Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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