it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
