I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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