Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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